While eating whets the appetite, things are sometimes trickier when it comes to sexuality. Yet there are simple solutions out there. Here’s the lowdown from our experts, if you’re no longer feeling frisky.
It can start with nothing more than one of those times when you can’t be bothered (“Not tonight darling, I’ve got a headache”) and turn into a full-blown open-ended veto on bedroom action. Nip it in the bud! Making love is excellent for health, for countless reasons in addition to the pleasure it brings. They include elevation of the heart rate, the release of happy hormones, oxytocin and melatonin (which promote a good night’s sleep), reduction of stress and anxiety and development of better self-esteem. Basically, it’s all good. Except that even if you know all that, sometimes you’re just no longer feeling at all frisky. So what do you do if your libido’s get-up-and-go has got up and gone?
Stimulate your erotic imagination
Flore Cherry is a sexuality specialist and author of various ‘survival guides on sex’ aimed at parents, bashful types and businesswomen (published by Editions Tabou). In her view, “it’s really not always easy to get that desire back when you live under the same roof, or even work from home together”. Putting some distance between you (each spending a weekend doing your own thing) is sometimes (wrongly) thought of as beneficial. But instead, Cherry suggests getting back to a form of shared sensuality. There’s no point in going straight into a Kama Sutra pose if you haven’t been intimate for months… Before going back down the acrobatic sex route, you have to plug yourselves into your erotic imagination together. Listen to podcasts on sexuality, read erotic novels, watch movies together… Basically, get things moving again via your mindset.
- An easy exercise to do: recall those magical early days where it all began (the honeymoon phase). Reminisce about them together over a nice glass of wine, and let yourself go with the flow. “Remember that time when…?”.
Body talk
It’s also very important to take matters back in hand when it comes to your body. Keeping in shape is about making yourself look nice (for yourself more than for other people) or treating yourself to a few massage sessions (alone or as a couple).
Natalie Pellerin is a naturopath, health coach, yoga/meditation instructor and author of Reboost, redevenez maître de votre santé en 21 jours (Reboost, take charge of your health again in 21 days). Published by Editions La Plage, it also suggests yoga poses to “get the energy circulating in the lower body in the region of the sacral chakra “. For those with a loss of libido, Pellerin suggests “scheduling in daily Salute to the Sun sequences” as well as a powerful Kundalini yoga exercise to better “channel sexual energy and prime the genitals”. Its name? Sat Kriya. “In a seated position, leaning back on your heels or a chair, you have to stress the SAT part of the mantra while sucking your belly button inwards and then the NAM part while pushing it outwards.” Practice this for three minutes per day. For women, the yoga instructor also suggests stimulating the perineum by contracting all of the nearby muscles. The most important thing is visualising the energy being unleashed in that area. To find out more, you’ll find Natalie Pellerin’s advice on her website Un Monde Organique.
Get moving! Sport is proven to kick-start the libido
Sport promotes good self-esteem and the ability to let yourself go with the flow.
After 30-40 minutes of exertion the body releases endorphins, which are also known as happy hormones. “These endorphins improve libido and fight stress, which is one of the biggest causes of a drop in sexual activity”, says sexologist Magali Croset-Calisto.
Moreover, a study on subjects engaging in regular physical activity showed that 60% of the female participants reported being more daring. As for the male participants, 80% said that they felt more attractive and confident and 71% felt that their prowess had improved.
- An easy exercise to do: do some sport together! Jogging, a game of tennis, a hike, a bike ride – it’s so easy. You will both get the beneficial effects of sport in terms of release of endorphins, and it will strengthen the bond between you.
Using the power of stones
Accepting a drop in your libido is out of the question… Place three pink stones under your pillow and everything will be better! The founder of Stones Club, the lithotherapist Morgane Jorge, explains that “a decline in libido is a sign of an overall decrease in energy levels”. Since many of her clients have concerns in this department, the expert in crystals has developed the Kit Vitalité (Vitality Kit) (€34,90), which will boost your general energy, and particularly your libido.
It includes three soft and powerful stones: the Brescia Jasper (a vitality stone for grounding), the Citrine (to fight against fatigue) and the Sun Stone (to help you let go of your fears and build your self-confidence). This kit will help you kickstart your self-growth journey and rekindle with yourself and your energy.
You can take the stones with you wherever you go, during the day and at night, or you can place them on your desk or near your bed. Morgane Jorje also suggests a more original use: “run a bath with coarse salt to remove all negative energies and place your stones on the edge of the bathtub or in the water (they tolerate water and salt well). Take this moment to reconnect with your inner resources: the stones are not magical, they are used to accompany you on your path of self-awareness and will help you accomplish your intentions.”
If the loss of libido becomes entrenched, note that it can be a sign of a hormone imbalance or depression. Don’t hesitate to discuss it with your doctor.
